The Cult of Self-Care

By Peter Larson
TE, Midwest Presbytery

Perhaps never in church history has there been a time when so many pastors have experienced burnout. A recent survey by Barna Research revealed an alarming statistic: 42 percent of pastors have considered quitting the ministry. According to Barna, the leading cause of burnout was stress, followed by loneliness and political division. 

Pastors carry a heavy burden. On a regular basis we deal with conflict, trauma, and the often-unreasonable expectations of those we serve. And yet, this epidemic of burnout seems to be a recent phenomenon. In the early church, Christians were beaten and stoned in the streets but endured it with courage and fortitude. Today, most pastors earn a decent salary with paid vacations and pension plans — and yet we complain of burnout.

The COVID pandemic, in particular, revealed a fragility among pastors. Faced with lockdowns, social distancing, and facemask mandates, many pastors battled stress and depression. Suddenly, clergy mental health became a major issue as denominations sought ways to promote pastoral wellness. Increasingly, pastors came to view themselves as patients needing treatment.

Today, self-care has grown into a cult and cottage industry. Experts have emerged offering help and healing. Endless books, podcasts, and webinars advise us to set boundaries, prioritize family, exercise, improve our diet, and maintain a healthy work-life balance. All of this sounds very reasonable. It is, in fact, the same advice dispensed by secular therapists and psychologists. 

The problem, however, is that much of this guidance is worldly and unbiblical. At best, it may offer temporary relief. At worst, it can lead to narcissism and an obsessive focus on self. The truth is that ministry is difficult. Stress is not a symptom of unhealth, but confirmation that we are following in the way of our Lord. If you are not experiencing stress in ministry, something is wrong. If you have achieved work-life balance, you are probably a stranger to the cross of Christ. An obsession with wellness is, in fact, unhealthy. Instead of making us more resilient it will make us more fragile. The proof that a soldier has been in combat is not good health but his wounds and battle scars. 

When Jesus spent 40 days in the wilderness, Satan advised him to turn stones into bread. Of course, Satan had a point. For Jesus to accomplish his earthly ministry, he needed to survive and remain healthy. In other words, Satan was advocating self-care. And yet, Jesus resisted this temptation. He kept his fast and remained obedient to God. 

Self-care is our natural instinct. To survive — to preserve our lives — is our strongest impulse. And yet, Jesus calls us to deny ourselves and take up the cross. Jesus does not call us to save our lives but to lose them. The way of Jesus is both countercultural and counterintuitive; instead of caring for self, we must die to self.

Whatever guidance we give to struggling pastors, it must be based on reality, not an illusion. Above all, it must be based on the Bible, not secular psychology. With this in mind, I offer the following advice to pastors struggling with burnout.

The Call

To preach the gospel and pastor God’s flock, you must be called by God. In Romans 10:15, the Apostle Paul observes: “And how are they to preach unless they are sent?” In many of his epistles, Paul begins by establishing his credentials: “Paul, called by the will of God to be an apostle.” (1 Corinthians 1:1). Paul did not choose to be an apostle. Rather, he was certain God had called him, quite against his will. Becoming a pastor is not just a career choice like becoming a lawyer or electrician. I suspect the reason why so many pastors quit is because they were not called by God. In times of trial, it is the call that sustains us. 

The Cost

In his book, The Cost of Discipleship, Dietrich Bonhoeffer describes how we seek to follow Jesus on our own terms. This, however, is impossible. What Jesus requires is complete surrender and unswerving obedience. We must abandon all of our terms and conditions. We must go wherever He leads and do whatever He commands. If we have not surrendered completely, we will chafe at His will and resist His commands, resulting in inner turmoil. A pastor who attempts to manage his own life and set boundaries will not experience the joy and peace that is only found in complete surrender to the will of God. 

Family

Self-care experts often advise us to prioritize our families and put them first. However, Jesus says something quite different. When a man asked Jesus for permission to say goodbye to his family before becoming a disciple, Jesus denied this request (Luke 9:61-62). On another occasion, Jesus declared: “Whoever loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take up his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.” (Matthew 10:37-38). It is God who demands our first love and loyalty. Putting our families first is, in fact, idolatry.

When I was a young pastor, my wife suffered a miscarriage in the ninth month of pregnancy. We listened for a heartbeat but heard only silence. Grief-stricken, we returned home from the hospital when suddenly there was a knock at the door. It was a young woman from our church who was depressed and suicidal. My first impulse was to send her away and schedule an appointment for the next day. Instead, I invited her to come in for prayer and counsel. Does this mean we should neglect our families? No, of course not. However, there are times in ministry when we must sacrifice the needs of our families in order to serve God. Abraham understood this when God called him to sacrifice his only son, Isaac. There is the wonderful promise in Scripture that if we seek first the Kingdom of God, all things will be given to us. (Matthew 6:25-34). However, no such promise is given to those who put family first and God second.

The Battle

In his book, Citizen Soldiers, author Stephen Ambrose describes the tragic fate of American troops who were sent to the front lines as replacements during World War II. Untrained in combat, many of them were killed within days. Although they knew how to salute and march in parades, they were unprepared for actual warfare. In the same way, the Christian life is a spiritual battle and we must be ready for battle. The Apostle Paul writes: “Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who enlisted him.” (2 Timothy 2:3). Like soldiers going into battle, we must put on the full armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-18). The battle is unending and like Timothy, we must bravely endure it. We must view ourselves as conquerors, not as victims (Romans 8:37). To be a pastor is like joining the Navy Seals whose motto is: “The only easy day was yesterday.” 

The Mission

In the classic movie, “Twelve O’Clock High,” Gregory Peck plays the commander of an American bomber squadron in World War II. The squadron has lost a lot of pilots and aircraft; morale is low and discipline is lax. Unlike the previous commander who displayed great empathy for his men, Peck’s character — Brig. Gen. Frank Savage — gathers his squadron and gives them a stern lecture:

“I can tell you now one reason I think you’ve been having hard luck. I saw it in your faces last night. I can see it there now. You’ve been looking at a lot of air lately … and you think you ought to have a rest. In short, you’re sorry for yourselves. I don’t have a lot of patience with this. We’re in a war, a shooting war. We’ve got to fight. And some of us have got to die. I’m not trying to tell you not to be afraid. Fear is normal. But stop worrying about it and about yourselves. Stop making plans. Forget about going home. Consider yourselves already dead. Once you accept that idea, it won’t be so tough.”

This lecture does not endear Savage to his men. In fact, they despise him. And yet, the squadron experiences a dramatic turnaround as they become more resilient, tough, and courageous. Instead of complaining about their hardships, they are focused on their mission. 

As Christians, we must focus on our mission, not on our personal problems. John Calvin suffered from crippling health problems most of his life, yet he was a prolific preacher and writer. R.C. Sproul suffered serious bouts of depression, but this did not prevent him from preaching. The great 18th Century missionary, Henry Martyn, did not complain of burnout. Instead, he fervently prayed: “Now let me burn out for God!” If you understand your mission, it will inspire you to endure great hardship. Without a mission, we will sink very quickly into despair and depression.

Squads and Platoons

My father served as a combat infantry sergeant in World War II. He was also a pastor. I remember him telling me, “An army fights in squads and platoons.” From a military standpoint, this is very true. No army sends its soldiers into battle all alone. Instead, you are assigned to a squad or platoon which typically consists of 8 to 12 men. Within a platoon, unbreakable bonds of love and loyalty are forged. Often, a soldier will lay down his own life to save his platoon.

In my own ministry, I rely on two bands of brothers. One is made up of fellow EPC pastors who meet monthly by Zoom. The other is made up of men from the local church that I pastored for 21 years. We meet twice a month for dinner, fellowship, Bible study, and sharing from our lives. Recently, one of the men in my group suffered a major heart attack during our meeting. It was only the intervention of our group — diagnosing the issue and rushing him to the hospital — that saved his life.

In the Book of Acts, the Apostle Paul is attacked by an angry mob in the city of Lystra: “They stoned Paul and dragged him out of the city, supposing that he was dead. But when the disciples gathered about him, he rose up and entered into the city.” (Acts 14:19-20). Paul was not isolated or alone in ministry; he relied on a band of brothers to lift him up. You see, self-care is actually a misnomer. What we really need is a band of brothers to love and support us.

Pleasing God

It is good to earn the praise and applause of people. The problem, however, is when we crave it. If we make it our goal to please people, we will be no use to the Kingdom of God. What invariably happens is that we will become fearful and timid, afraid of offending people. Instead of preaching the truth of God’s Word, we will end up telling people what they want to hear. Instead of pleasing people, we must make it our goal to please God.

When Jesus says, “Love your enemies,” He assumes we will have them. When Jesus says, “Blessed are you when others revile you, and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you,” (Matthew 5:11) He is describing the reality of gospel ministry. When people despise and speak evil against us, Jesus says we should “rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.” (Matthew 5:12).

The story is told of a young pastor who was just starting out in ministry. Seeking guidance, he went to visit a wise old pastor. Asked for his advice, the older pastor pondered for a long time before replying in four words: “Don’t take it personally!” When people walk out during your sermon, when they murmur maliciously against you, when they leave the church, it is difficult and painful. And yet, we must not take it personally. As Jesus reminds us, “A servant is not greater than his master. If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you.” (John 15:20). 

In a therapeutic age that counsels self-care, the way of Jesus seems daunting if not impossible. And yet, it is the only way we will survive and flourish. To weary, stressed-out disciples, Jesus speaks these words of invitation: “Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30). The rest and relief that we desperately seek is found only by taking on the yoke of Christ.